flirtatious husband..please help

Posted by trinityuk (58 days ago)

he is a good father, no doubt. Guess married woman with kids are left with no choice.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by flashback (58 days ago)

What exactly is he doing?

You always have choice. A broken marriage is a very expensive and disastrous consequence for a man as much as a woman. However, if you put up no resistance to this kind of behaviour, or see yourself as forced to accept it, it will continue.

One thing you can do is start spending time and money on yourself, without necessarily for him. Once you look as though you at least value who you are and how you might appeal to others, he may start paying you the attention you deserve, and showing you more loyalty in public. The worse thing you can do is to give up on yourself, by rolling over and playing dead.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by trinityuk (57 days ago)

he knows how hurt I am right now, he appologized, he felt bad, he said he has no intension or whatsover, so the next step is, how should I react to this?
It will not be so bad if he is just my boyfriend, but my husband and a father of my son, and I'm sure there were more ( as I only found out from his email), and more to come...
Do I need to be blamed too? for not spending much attention and time on him? I have my work, and I spent most of my spare time with my kid, probably he is just bored and felt lonely, I might have been the caused of all this!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (57 days ago)

You're going to have to give more information if you want advice.

With whom and where has he been 'flirting'? If he's been going down to Wan Chai, or doing on-line dating, or flirting with a colleague...well... they indicate different things.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by kaileyb (57 days ago)

If he says he has no intentions of following thru and is just flirting for the attention, then perhaps he feels he's not getting attention from you. Not that you should sit there and blame this all on yourself, because there are better ways of dealing with him feeling neglected than him going out and flirting with women. But you might want to try and juggle your schedule so you have more alone time with him. Get a baby sitter so that you are not distracted by your son. Have date nights regularly. Surprise him with a sexy gift. And yes, keep yourself looking good, not for him, but for you.

If he's truthful about having no intentions and is just after a bit of attention, then you need to to nip this problem in the bud and sort it now, rather than later when he does develop intentions. And if he's serious about not wanting to hurt you, he'll stop contact with whoever he's flirting with, no matter how harmless he thinks he's being.

Good luck.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (57 days ago)

Yes... if... if... if...what exactly has upset you?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by TXcowboy (56 days ago)

The only thing I can tell you is that I am 100% sure he has done this more than once. Once a cheater...

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by tigerbay (56 days ago)

TXcowboy
There is a big difference between flirting and cheating. For goodness sake.

I have femail friends I flirt with, it relieves the boredom of life sometimes. I am not screwing anybody other than my wife, nor do I intend to.

Flirting on line is even further removed, as you have no physical presence. Sometimes I do it, because I am on-line and bored.

A lot of people flirt, and most of us like it when people flirt with us. It makes us feel good. It boosts our self esteem. And if we flirt and we see/sense the other person is esteemed this also makes us feel good.

And if our flirting makes another feel unesteemed we stop.
First case would be sexual harrasment.
Second case is when our loved ones catch us and feel hurt.

I know that flirting can be the first step towards something more, but not in most cases.

(I am based in Shanghai)