Where to start once separated.

Posted by *me* (200 days ago)

My husband and I are about to separate.

Where do I start with all the many things to organize. We have two small children and it overwhelms me to think that I have to move them all over again back to Aus not to mention that our house is being rented out until jan 09.

What do i need to know? Financially etc.

We have only been here 3 months. Our problems go back 3 years or so and we have previously seen a marriage therapist but my husband doesn't want to do anything about our current problems, prefering to say that there is too much history and resentment and basically its too hard. i think it may be because it will require him to change and possibly look at himself and his own personal happiness. Too much to go into here.

I will thank all who can help in advance as i am on a mac and cant always reply to posts but will be reading all answers with interest.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by dadda (199 days ago)

"because it will require him to change and possibly look at himself and his own personal happiness"....

For any relationship to work it requires TWO people to change. If one person thinks it is ONLY the other one who needs to change, then there lies half the problem.....

Good luck

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by wing-on (199 days ago)

Dadda, maybe she knows that part. She did not suggest she was perfect or unwilling to change.

Me - PM me. I split with my ex within 3 months of arriving in HK and also had 2 young kids. I stayed on in HK for 2 years and just moved back to Aus 2 months ago.

Your primary concern in Aus is rental accommodation. What there is to rent gets taken by employed, childless, petless people. Check with the estate agent about getting your tenants out early. Make sure your husband will sign any tenancy agreement for you before you leave.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by mark_larsen2 (199 days ago)

First thing: You need a divorce attorney. That will be your best investment ever. You need to know what you are entitled to, and also as I sense tension you can use your lawyer to talk to your ex, leaving all the drama behind.

Don't fight over small things. Let him have what you know he loves (whether is a boat, or a car, or a frame, or a piece of furniture) so you can use this to get what you want too. Be civilized and you will be amazed by the results.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by tigerbay (199 days ago)

Sometimes a marriage cannot be fixed. And the best thing to do for all concerned is to move on.

In the UK one of the last things we do is talk to a divorce attorney. As this seems to be a 'no fault'm divorce, you should be able to work things our amicably and fairly using an arbitration service, I assume they exist in Australia. This cuts out all the legal bills and does away with the adversarial element.

As said in the last post, don't fight over posessions. Don't fall into the trap of letting the possesions become a subsitiute for the relationahip and try to use them in as substitutes to fight over.
You need to think about the big investments, the property and kids. You can take advice on this, and there is where legal advice is valuable. But there is no need to get into a dispute with a lawyer. There are I am sure many websites that deal with Australian divorce laws, and settlement issues.

When I decided I needed to divorce my wife, it was the toughest decission I have ever had to make. It was a not fault divorce, it was just not working and we both deserved better. No lawyers were involved further than advising on the paperwork required. There was no bickeing over property, and the legal bill was less than the court fees for the divorce.

(I am based in Shanghai)