Kicked out of the house

Posted by kickedout (417 days ago)

Hi there,I am in the middle of troubling moments in my life now..I've been in a relationship with this Chinese girls for 4 years..We had plans to be together..I have a nice job and I was giving her my salary and these days she told that I have to look for a house. I found out that she is having an affair and she 's been cheating on me for 2 years.She was keeping all the money and now she is even telling me that I owe her money...There is no penny left in the account..I decided to move on but I feel depressed and I really want to revenge ..which I think is not a good idea..But I am really depressed and don't know what to do for the moment..I treated this girl like a princess,taking care of her,...I really love her..But I can't stand how hurt I really feel right now..She gave me 2 days to move out and now she is hanging out with the guy, coming back early in the morning..I really want to revenge..It's me who pay the rent but it's her name on the leasing contract..I feel like It's breaking my nerves.what to do now?

(I am based in Shanghai)

Find what you are after in our Singapore A-Z Directory

Posted by Sys12738 (417 days ago)

Hey,move on man,I kicked my ex gf out of the house and changed the place..You don't deserve this..Meet your friends, have a break to see your family...that would help a lot..Don't let her control the rest of your life,it will take time to heal..
Have a positive attitude and I don't recommend for revenge...
Move on...

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by bell-boy (417 days ago)

You dont really need to take revenge, because somebody like that will get whats coming to them in the end....it doesnt go unnoticed!

Hey - its a horrible thing, but you must try and move on -- there must have been signs that this was a coming, perhaps you will be more careful about giving money to girlfriends in the future :)

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by silopanna (417 days ago)

You have the advantage here. She is legally responsible to pay the rent. You are not legally responsible to pay her anything. She is the one stuck in the apartment with all the memories and coming up with the money to pay the rent. You get to find a new place and have a fresh start. Focus your energy on positive things instead of revenge. Be the light, not the moth.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by MAVIM_88 (417 days ago)

I can understand how you are feeling right now. I do agree with silopanna, the lease contract is in her name so you should move out and find another place to stay.
Leave this chapter behind you and start afresh. Take it as a lesson in life. Never let a woman hold you pay check cos she will always have an upper hand than you. Forget about revenge cos it will hurt you even more.
Move on with your life. There is always someone awaiting for you.
Take care & all the best !

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by LovelyD (416 days ago)

Hi Kickedout > sorry to hear that and I agreed with Sys12738, just move on and positive attitude. Try to leave her as early as you can. By the way, I really have no idea why you guys like to pay all your salary or give money to your girlfriends ?? Be honest, I am HK Chinese and had few caucausian ex-boyfriends , but I never ask them to pay me money, of course they won't give their salary to me too. Why always happen in CHina ? I am not compaline anyone but just really have no idea.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by MahiMahi (415 days ago)

again, this sort of situations. I think Sys12738 had a similar incident months ago and he has gotten out of it...

I am asking the same question as LovelyD, why does this always happen in China? What is it about the girls that make the guys want to hand them salary, pay for all luxuries and do the logic and sense-defying stunts????

In the end, the are cheated on.

Frankly, I am sorry to hear about the pain you are going through but I think its time to wake up and smell the coffee. Have a REAL Relationship. A real & honest partner wouldn't ask her man to give her his salary, have properties put under her name exclusively, ask for luxury items as though its her birthright. Stop being fooled by sweet talk, great sex and beautiful face and body. Look deeper as there are women out there who are attractive both inside and out, and yet don't treat you like an ATM.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by justin credulous (410 days ago)

i'd say you learned a valuable lesson...never have blind faith in anything...you know she probably just has the other plonker move in with her and he will now pay the rent. what are you stressing about? you deserve better, but revenge will not make you feel any better. as they say in so many comedy movies "move along, nothing to see here". karma isnt about instant karma...but yeah, she will one day find out its not ok to go about treating someone like that...but then again, maybe she wont. some people take several lifetimes to learn how to think beyond the material...lots of hong kong girls are simply cruising for a cash cow...in the mean time, guys like you are cruising for a bruising. you need to unlearn everything you have learned until now. to be a good man doesnt mean paying for someone...it means being a good man. simple as.

look before you leap next time, compadre...

good luck! you'll need it. and maybe it wouldnt hurt for you to take a sabbatical from the dating scene for the next few months while you do a little bit of introspection on what in the hell dropped you into the crummy hole you fell into in the first place.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by wonderfulday (410 days ago)

hmmm, 1st. his gf is from China. 2nd, not lots of hong kong gals are like that. there's 7-8millions people in HK and I don;t think you have see and hear even 1% of them are doing that.
There's also stories in western countries young gals going for rich old men and young men going for rich old women.

I believe if he knew who she is from the beginning he wouldn't be ended up in a story like this. No matter how bad the person is there must be some reasons to make you falling in love at some point.

Kickedout, am really sorry about your story and the only person can help you is yourself. Learn to love and protect yourself before love others. when dating with people from different culture the best way is to understand and respect their culture and share yours at the same time. no matter in what kind of relationship it also goes both ways. People will always appreciate your effort and they will try to learn your culture if they are willing to. you can do the same in money issue in your future relationship. If she refuse to contribute and only take take and take. That will be the time you should rethink the relationship you are having. Good luck, life still goes on. Don't give up, beauty is only few steps away from you !

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by ling40603 (409 days ago)

since she is so sick in the head. u should feel happy u found out now.pack your thing and tell her she would regret what she has done to you. and also u should have know if she really loved you should would not ask your salary.

but things so strange,nice ,kind people never get well treated. should move. alos have the sick person around. but when u love them is hard to get rid of them.

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by justin credulous (409 days ago)

Apologies about the mixup between "Hong Kong Girls" and "Mainland Girls" I suppose "Chinese" to me wasnt clear...well...nothing to say about that except that I actually work with a Hong Kong gal who is pretty much as this guy describes...or at least, used to be...and well...Hong Kongers make too much of a fuss about being different from "Chinese" girls that its no wonder that calling someone a Mainlander (in cantonese) is akin to an insult. Yes, the same story can be repeated the world over and if anything, the fact that Hong Kong Chinese men are marrying across the border is simply saying that they cannot meet the materialistic demands of the local girls who, lets face it, simply have better jobs, better pay and far higher expectations, the fact remains that OP has totally shelled out for some woman and been dumped on the bones of his a*se...which sucks, but hey, life lessons are the hardest ones to learn. *shrug*

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by wonderfulday (409 days ago)

Dear Justin, you were saying' Yeah, lot of hong kong gals are like this'. and he had mentioned his gf was from Shanghai. Would that been better to address as ' lots of Chinese girls are like that'?? as you see than are all the same.

You might found funny or whatever way you like to put it. Although we are Chinese but if you look into the history there are some different between HK and China and we brought up in different ways and do have different mindset. There also have this huge gap with the political issues behind. Am not saying who is better than who or the other way. It's like the conflicts between east and west Germany. It;s complicated and I don't think people should jump into a conclusion without knowing what's behind the story. On this other hand, am also not saying this attitude is acceptable either.

I have to admit that I was not really please with your comment (actually not only you, many people on this site did the same.) coz I don't know how many Chinese gals you know but you put it as lots of them are like that. I have to agreed some are but there are also plenty out there are not. As a Hong Kong gal myself and many of my lady friends who never ask men for money. This kind of perception and generalizations comments do hurt my feelings and it's really unfair.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by justin credulous (408 days ago)

*SMH* ok, sorry...I wasnt talking about YOU here...I was talking about the chinese girls I know...I am sure you yourself and your friends are all wonderful girls who are like east german in comparison to the ones I know who are probably along the more west german lines. My bad, please, this is just a forum, dont go taking stuff so personally, eh? The whole point of this is the original poster has been done over and its important to say something that will make him feel better in some way, not to go all postal about how there are good girls out there too...I am sure he knows that, but right now he's feeling down and vengeful...so yeah, whatever...just...dont take stuff on forums so personally. Hmm kay? I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, and yeah its unfair that I know the less than perfect side of Hong Kong, but life is not fair. I am sure you are a good person and I dont doubt it, but not all folks are like that, is all I am saying, Aaaii? Now, back to the OP...what has happened to him?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by violetbeau (408 days ago)

Huh. There seems to be a common thread in many of these stories. I know I'm getting off the point....and commiserations to Kicked Out (leave for god's sake...take your stuff and run...leave the girl to her crazy life. Betcha she isn't a happy lass). There is a HELL of alot of generalising being thrown around. The concensus seems that Chinese girls universally are NOT fortune hunters. Everyone seems to agree, though, that in some areas, some women seem to be quite keen to earn a bit of cash, and western men seem to be the means.

SMH, I think in your shoes I wouldn't feel hurt, I would feel pretty pissed off that, in the same way that WESTERN men in Asia seem to be equated with status and wealth, Chinese women are seen as calculating, money grubbing, two timeing and shallow.

Truth is, many of us 'westerners' are bloody well better of. And in many countries, getting ahead means making choices that I'm bloody glad I will NEVER have to make based on where I was born. It's not 'Chinese'. It's a section of any population that decides getting on in life is about ripping someone off. It's economics, it's status, it's ugly, but it isn't new. It's China, Vietnam, Thainland, Singapore and Indonesia. It's Russia and Estonia and the Czech Republic. Hell, it's Australia, England and the States, it's just that the game is a little different.

I know, I'm a nit picking lefty and this is just a forum for thoughts but the more time I spend in Asia, the most disturbing I find the dynamic. 'THEY are like this and THEY do this'. It's on both sides. It's dangerous. I went to a certain country some years ago and got repeatedly felt up by random blokes while walking with my brother simply because I had white skin and was therefore up for grabs (sorry...bad double entendre). Western= easy and promiscuous. Gagging for it.

I have said it on another thread...Justin Credulous, I like your mind. Most of what you have written on other threads strikes a chord but I don't think you can dismiss SMH's unease.; Not a criticism of you, just an appeal to the Incredible in you.

Sorry 'Kicked out of the House'....have I kicked you off your own forum? Mea Culpa.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by wonderfulday (407 days ago)

Kick out, to answer your question. 1st you have to you ask yourself a couple of very important questions- " are you a bad person? do you enjoy seeing others suffer?"
If your answers are yes and yes. go ahead and do it. But, if your answer are no and no. please don't. your eager of revenge was only because you were hurt and wish her feel the pain you had. However, revenge will only satisfy or make you feel less pain for a very short time. After that you will hate yourself coz you became no different with her. It's enough to let someone rued your life once and it's not worth it to let the same person do the same thing to you twice. You are better off than that.

Move on, be a wiser and better person. Don't become a bitter person and have any regrets in your life coz this ungrateful person ever again!!!!

I am from Hong Kong by the way.........

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tigerbay (407 days ago)

I've said it befre and I will say it again.

Its not Chinese girls per se.
Shanghai girls are something else. The prettier they are, the more poisonous they seem to get.

Kickedout.
Make sure she does not have access to your funds, ATM card etc.
If she does, get your employer to change your bank account.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by kickedout (406 days ago)

Hey,all.I already moved out,this money grabber will get what she deserves one day..I am not her living ATM any more and I don't have a revengeful feeling anymore..I don't need to waste my time thinking of what she did to me..although it's difficult. I think I will get over this..It's not the end of the world..The problem is that I really want to get over this quickly so that I can move on..I am pretty sure that there good ones over there..

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by violetbeau (405 days ago)

Kickedout,

Way to go! Yep, believing in karma is the best way. She will get what she deserves one day and I bet she's not a happy person anyway. Yep, there are PLENTY of good ones around. There are plenty of attractive down to earth women looking for the same in a guy. Personally, I can't figure why it's so hard to get them all in the same place! But that's another issue all together.
Sometimes being single for a while gives you a bit of time to get everything in perspective.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by freesky (404 days ago)

have a deep breath,relax yourself,just take it easy

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Pupalicious (401 days ago)

Wonderful day, exactly how could he have known she was like this from the beginning? Mind reading trick perhaps?

Kudos to kicked out! It's a really good feeling when you don't have such a weight on your shoulders. Try to remember what you've learnt from this lesson!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by freemw2 (399 days ago)

u r so strupid n immature to give your salary to a gir u havent married. n she abused your trust n love, u have 50% fault on this, cos u spoil her. all i can see that u r a green guy facing such relatinship in china. for me? no money will be giving to any girl cos i know their tricks well. for u, i recommend revenge.

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by sub (386 days ago)

So sorry for your trouble. My partner (Chinese) had a scary ex girlfriend (Chinese too) - she went into bitter revenge mode after she left him (which was weird) - I am sure not all Chinese girls are like yours and his, but definitely some are, and they can be very very twisted and scary - be thankful it stopped where it did - you are the one earning the income, and you can earn more, don't regret what is past. What is amazing about these girls is the shameless way they create a while illusion of false truth. Their mothers must also be pieces of work - Za Za Gabor had nothing on these girls. And they are soooo sweet at the start - wouldn't hurt a fly! And probably make a point of giving you back change and saying sorry for buying that lovely face cream...

Get a nice place, enjoy your own money - be a bit more protective of yourself next time - an honest girl is not going to have a problem with that, don't worry.

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by !@# (384 days ago)

Hi kicked out. I am a female westerner who really feels for you. i'm glad you're being positive and i don't mean to be negative about your ability to heal from this, but please think about this....It fr***ng hurts when you love someone and they mistreat you!! That's normal!!!!!Allow yourself time to grieve what you lost and also what you hoped for the future. If you let your feelings out, have a good cry and so on, you will hit the bottom and then start to rise. Your feelings of revenge are lesening, so that is a positive sign. it takes approximately 2 years to start to heal, although it will always be a little painful to think about, so just forgive yourself for feeling hurt. You are a trusting person. Remind yourself over and over that you are not to blame, but don't give your paycheque to someone again. Protect yourself!! i have friends who are married to western men who aren't pulling their weight and use my friends for their money and I feel badly for them. It's not fun to put more into a relationship than you got out. You must feel like she owes you a refund.You lost some time, money and innocence, but please forgive yourself for being human and trusting someone who was kind and loving in your eyes. The fact that she was cheating is just horrible. I've found people like that will never be happy, but you will be. You have shown yourself to be capable of letting down your guard, being faithful and giving a lot of yourself. Don't rush it. Don't swear off all women from China. She's just one person.When a relationship ends, it's an opportunity for you to reinvent yourself. Take some time to decide who you want to be in your next relationship. it's not an ATM machine, but you're used to giving money to a woman. Think hard about what you will do differently next time. Ask for and absorb advice you're given so that when you get into another relationship, you will be prepared. Try not to hate the woman too much. You'll swing from hating her to wanting to talk to her. You share a lot of history. It's normal to miss what you had despite what she did. Allow yourself to be normal and feel many confusing and conflicting thoughts. Some people find it's helpful to burn all the photos and things they have which belong to the other person. Other people pray that they can forgive the one who hurt them or they pray that they will have the strength to NOT hurt that person. in the end, you have to live with yourself and you can. you have many wonderful qualities. how can she live with herself? do you feel like asking her or would it just hurt too much? she is very cold. i think when people have had to try harder to survive, they get detached and are in the 'take' mode. it's very sad and I'm very sorry you were her victim. She's a predator. I honestly don't know how people like that can sleep at night. I'm a Christian and I believe God punishes you for deliberatly hurting others, so I try not to do it. It makes me wonder what her values are. Anyway, you will do well. Try and pamper yourself. Take a hot shower, go to the gym. Make sure you look your best so you will not start thinking you were to blame for her ridiculous actions.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by rikuhouten (361 days ago)

kickedout - have you moved out and started breathing fresh air?

You've learned a valuable lesson, and no pun intended in that last phrase. I would have advocated revenge, but I'm the kind of person that greets confrontation with open arms.

wonderfulday -hmmm, 1st. his gf is from China. 2nd, not lots of hong kong gals are like that. there's 7-8millions people in HK and I don;t think you have see and hear even 1% of them are doing that.
There's also stories in western countries young gals going for rich old men and young men going for rich old women.

Funny, sounds like a stereotypical statement from a local to me. Suffice to say that not many HK women are necessarily high paid, good looking, and deserving of Brad Pitt quality men. Ever heard of "Kong girls"? A lot of them want exactly the same thing, the bf to pay for everything while they go out for another quick fling. (kinda rhymes)

(I am based in Hong Kong)